I reconnected with an old friend today. This verse in Proverbs 15:1, “A gentle answer turns away wrath, but harsh words stirs up anger.” I was challenged to look back and see if we’ve made any progress in putting this message into practice. As I look back on the last 15 years of my marriage to Michael I see many times I’ve blown it and blown up at Michael, the kids or others. And there have been some victories as well when I have held my tongue, turned the other cheek, and responded with patience and gentleness.

If I’m honest I can’t say that every time Michael gave me a gentle answer I turned from my wrath. So does it mean that this scripture doesn’t apply to me or us? I know that’s not the right answer but that’s how I feel. As a Christ follower, I am confronted with my own questioning and doubt in this area of my life. And as we hear from so many of you I hear your frustration of wanting and doing the right thing- like turning away anger with a gentle response. So what gives?

When I don’t know the answers to my questions I go back to a prayer I have prayed since high school. “God give me wisdom and understanding.” Solomon was the wisest and richest man that supposedly ever lived. He seemed like a great person to pattern my life after. He was rich and he made wise choices. Asking for wisdom is like a buy one get three free coupon. I ask for wisdom but what I get has multiple positive outcomes.

Gaining wisdom helps me gain perspective. Do you remember the Matrix movie? Remember Orpheus asking Neal if he wanted to take the red pill or the blue pill? Neal chose to see the alternate dimension that was a reality he wasn’t aware of before. I like to think of wisdom as choosing to see the multiple layers of the human condition that is happening all around. I want to know why so I can understand and possibly react in a way that might help that person make a better choice. Some of you may be married to someone like me who flies off the handle- I’m not physically abusive but my words can pierce like an arrow. I am learning how to deal with my tongue and can see the freedom of taking responsibility for my tone, my harshness, my unrealistic expectations, etc. that drive people away from me.

It is in my nature to want to fight, to pursue, and to finish what I start. I’m not a quitter and in the past I felt like if I stopped an argument I was giving up—so I left my Michael verbally bloodied and bruised. I’m not saying he didn’t throw a few verbal punishes my way, but I was the professional at anger, and still am, unfortunately. So what has made a difference? Michael’s gentle answers, firm boundaries, and the conviction of the Holy Spirit have set me up to succeed. If you know someone who struggles with a temper like me- I want you to feel the freedom to stand up for yourself. If the person you love is a Christ follower then by confronting the person in love you are keeping them from sinning against you.

I suggest you start taking some time to think and pray about what to say. Second, pick the right time and place. And then when you are ready, humbly approach the person by saying something like, “I recognize our relationship has been difficult and there are some things I want to do differently. ___________ Fill in the blank with something personal you want to change that doesn’t blame, shame, or criticize your spouse. “I don’t want to allow things to build up and for me to become more resentful. I want to commit to handling myself better.” Then, and only then, share your need for change in the dynamic of your relationship. You might say something like, “I need us to commit to allowing each other to take a time-out when either one of us feels like the conversation isn’t going well. I will commit to coming back to the topic at a specified time, but I cannot allow us to demean each other like we have in the past. It is not good for you or me to get out of hand like we have.” (The “we” statements will help the other person not feel totally at fault- remember it’s not about assigning blame it’s about setting a boundary)

If your spouse shuts down and seems to punish you when you share hurtful feelings then approaching the situation with prayer, good timing, and vulnerability looks a little different. When I do it right I say things like this to Michael when I know he is shut down, “It seems like you are really upset right now. I want to let you know when you are ready to talk I will be open to hearing your feelings and needs.” Then I walk away and leave the ball in his court. He has tested me for a while but if I don’t act mad or upset he usually opens up and let’s me know what is bothering him. If days were to go by and I could still tell he was shut down then I would call in back up, like our small group or a trusted mentor.

I recently visited with a couple where the man shut down because he felt that by not engaging, he was being loving because he wasn’t adding to the chaos of the argument. If this is the case please try to understand that not engaging might be sending the message of not caring. His intention may very well be to care enough to not allow chaos to rein or to hurt the relationship more than what it was currently experiencing. But it might just send the wrong signal and end up hurting the relationship anyways. I like to call this behavior the “peace at all cost” type.

The war rages underneath the pleasant and many times not so pleasant surface. If you identify with this scenario know those around you feel the tension and the jabs you take at each other. Your kids rarely miss jabs.

So to finish this post, I think the thing that has changed the most in me is my self-justification of my anger. I no longer blame others for my poor response. I recognize the absolute dishonor and sin that it is. There’s something about agreeing with God and allowing Him to use my sin to draw me into a more humble attitude. I no longer want to tolerate my anger as just “how I am.” I am a child of a King, dearly loved, and called by my Father to love others fully and completely. And allowing my defensive, critical, and blaming attitude does not produce the righteous life God desires.

I have been set free to love others- even when I’m cranky- I really do have a choice and the more I recognize it the more freedom I have through Christ to live free from the bondage of my anger or expectations of others. My slavery probably looks different than many of yours but my deliverer doesn’t. I love this verse “It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by the yoke of slavery Gal. 5:1.

If you really want to learn how to resolve conflict and to improve your marital satisfaction, then check out our Embrace series instant download.  You get our full seminar for couples on audio, powerpoint files, handouts, and a great workbook that you can print out as many times as you want! Click here to purchase today for only $49.95!

You will not want to miss this video podcast! The question I received is one that hits to the core of many problems for marriages today. Watch and see how worked up I get in this one.

What can a duck teach us about conflict resolution? Watch and find out.

How can you handle yourself when someone is out of control? Watch what Michael has to say after almost witnessing another public fight.

An article on communication I found helpful:

Couples can use the language between them to make love or to make war. Sadly, verbal aggression can be a dangerous trigger to destructive exchanges or even physical violence. Effective communication techniques, on the other hand, help couples manage difficulties and anger in a way that is constructive and adds to relationship satisfaction.

When working with couples to develop more effective communication skills we always ask:

Do you speak in a way that makes your partner listen? Do you listen in a way that makes your partner speak?

If when he walks in she says “ You really don’t get it – I do everything in this house and you do nothing!” There is a very good chance that he will walk right past her into another room, flick on the remote and respond with a comparable put-down.

Essentially this couple would have enacted what is labeled by Christensen and Heavey ( 1990) as the “ demand/withdrawal” sequence in which a complaint or demand made by a partner in a negative way predictably triggers the other partner’s withdrawal and defensiveness. His refusal to listen and in most cases his actual withdrawal is likely to escalate her negative feelings and “ keep her speaking” but not in a positive way. Soon he will be telling her “ She never lets up.” The pattern leaves them both feeling victimized and angry. The chances of mutual understanding or positive resolutions are very low.

Effective Couple Communication Techniques

Drawing upon couple communication ideas offered in two of my previous blogs, (Couples Psychological First Aid and Reconsidering the Anger in Your Relationship) we might suggest to her that she communicate her needs at a more appropriate time ( A partner’s first steps into the house are never a good time) and with an “ I message” – “I’m not sure I can manage all the chores.” “I think I need some help.”

via Couple Communication for Anger Management | Healing Together for Couples.

What causes divorce?  Seems like a complicated question, but in reality, it is quite simple.  Researchers like Drs. Scott Stanley, Howard Markman, and John Gottman have all discovered bascially four reasons why couples divorce.  Four! Not thousands, but only four reasons why couples end up divorcing.

I’ve written about these before, but let me give them to you once more.  Couples divorce when they respond to conflict by:

1. Escalating – yelling, screaming, basically getting out of control.
2. Avoiding – running away from conflict.
3. Dishonoring – name-calling and basic character assassination.
4. Developing negative beliefs – your spouse can not win, no matter what because you have a belief that is negative and possibly incorrect.

These four are the first four mistakes couples make when they get in to conflict. These are the primary mistakes that lead to divorce, but there are more mistakes couples make that do not lead to happy marriages and these other mistakes are secondary, and can most certainly relate back to the first four.

If you want a happy marriage, which I’m pretty sure each and every person who gets married wants, then you have to learn how to avoid these pitfalls during arguments. Arguments are not bad, it is how we respond to arguments that either makes or breaks our marriage (or any relationship).

The other six mistakes couples make during conflict are:

1. They don’t take a time-out when feelings get hurt or things get heated.
2. They play the blame game.
3. They kitchen-sink every argument ever experienced.
4. They go to a third party to complain.
5. They flip flop who’s at fault.
6. They invalidate each other’s feelings or needs.

1. They don’t take a time-out when feelings get hurt or things get heated
I just wrote a five part series on conflict resolution.  One of the parts was taking a time-out.  If you do not take a break and relax, your conflict is going to get out of control. Take a step back and breath. Calm down, and then reengage with each other.

2. They play the blame game.
Do you like it when you’re blamed for something? Probably not, so don’t do it to your spouse. Blaming only leads to more misery. The more you take personal responsibility, the better your marriage will get.

3. They kitchen-sink every argument ever experienced.
Does it feel helpful to bring up past arguments when you are arguing in the present? Does it ever go well to remind your spouse of other times they totally messed up? No. So don’t bring in the past, keep focused on the present and resolve one conflict at a time.

4. They go to a third party to complain.
It is okay to have a close friend where you can get validated and loved well. You can even complain from time to time about something that happened between you and your spouse. But do not make this a habit and you must only talk with a close friend of the same sex. It is never okay to complain about your spouse to the opposite sex, that will only lead to more problems and heartache. When you spend your days complaining about how “bad” your spouse is, you set yourself up to develop powerful negative beliefs that are very hard to get rid of.

5. They flip flop who’s at fault.
If your spouse comes to you with something you did to hurt or frustrate her, do not turn the table and point out something that bothers you. There is nothing more frustrating and hurtful than when your spouse turns the table on the conflict. If your spouse approaches you about an issue, take it like a man (or woman) and stick to that issue. No one likes a flip flopper!

6. They invalidate each other’s feelings or needs.
Validation is my wife’s biggest passion for couples. Her quote when she teaches this concept is so powerful, “You are more important to me than proving myself right or proving you wrong.” Just listen and validate. Do not argue with your spouse about facts or try to justify or explain your actions. Keep quiet and simply ask, “What do you need from me right now?” This is a powerful question that can disarm even the angriest person.

These are 10 of the craziest things people will do when they get in to conflict with their spouse. Great marriage do not just happen, they are built through enrichment and education. Either you are working on your marriage and learning how to better love each other, or you are getting worse.

Do you ever imagine how your spouse might react to a situation, and then get upset even though your spouse is still technically innocent because she hasn’t done what you’ve cooked up in your head that she might do? Two nights ago this very thing happened to me in one of the grossest and most embarrassing things I’ve done in a long time! And that is saying a lot!

It was about 11:00 p.m. at night and I was getting the house ready for bed. My final act was to walk to the front door and make sure it was locked. My wife is notoriously poor at making sure the doors are locked at night, so I casually walked down our foyer toward the front door to check it. This should be a fairly normal thing, walking, that is. But I was barefoot and traveling along our wood floors which are more like an ice rink, especially if any kind of liquid has found its way on to them.

Unwittingly, I walked straight toward a puddle of liquid that was in the middle of the wood floor. I was oblivious of what was about to happen. As my left foot stepped in to the middle of the puddle it lost all traction and literally flew ahead of my unsuspecting body! I went flying in to the air! No part of my body was touching the ground and I had no idea what had happened. I knew I’d slipped, but I had no idea what I’d slipped on.

I landed so hard on my rear end that I lost my breath as I slid along the floor wiping up the puddle with my bum. At first I can remember thinking that one of my kids must have stood at the base of our stairs and dripped this puddle in to existence from coming in from the pool. But then I realized that my kids hadn’t swam that evening. As I was laying on the ground, writhing in pain, a thought suddenly started to crystilize in my head. If my kids haven’t swam, then what the heck did I slip on? Oh No!

I rolled over, my neck and back already stiffening from the fall, and smelled what was left of the puddle. Yep! It was urine! One of my dogs had left a puddle of pee and the underwear I had on was soaked to the skin with it! What does all this have to do with conflict resolution? I’m not sure, and I’m about to make a major stretch to try and connect the two.

When I told my wife what had happened and how I’d just wiped out on the floor and soaked up a puddle of dog pee with my underwear…she laughed. To be fair, if she had come in to our bedroom at around 11 p.m. and told me the same thing, I would have laughed as well! But it is no where near as funny when you are the one being laughed at. The bottom line, I did not feel understood at that moment.

What can we do to feel understood and validated, especially when our feelings get hurt? Check out these four easy steps to being heard and validated and try them the next time you want to be understood:

1. Share feelings first
2. Share needs secondly
3. Do not blame, criticize or shame when you share your feelings and needs
4. Only use “I” statements one sentence at a time

I owe these rules to my training in PREP.  So I never want to forget how much Drs. Howard Markman and Scott Stanley influenced me in my ability to share my feelings and needs in a way that can be heard and validated.

1. Share feelings first
If you really want to be heard, understood, and validated then you can not enter a conversation with guns blazing. It does you no good to have a stinky attitude and to “bite” in to your mate with bitterness and anger. I’ve posted extensively on feeling words (just enter the search term above of “hot buttons”). If you want to be heard, then use words like, “I’m feeling rejected” or “I felt ignored the other day”. If your spouse is normally dysfunctional, then I can promise you that he/she does not want you feeling these things. Normal people want to feel happy and loved and want to love and make other people happy as well. Starting off with how you feel is always the best bet to setting up your spouse to receive your hurt and to validate it.

2. Share needs secondly
Come with your needs after your feelings have been validated. Your needs must be simple and doable. Nothing crazy or impossible should ever be shared as a need. Telling your spouse, “I have a need for you to never hurt my feelings again”, would be a ridiculous request. Telling your spouse, “I need us to stop yelling at each other in front of the kids”, is a much better need. If your spouse responds negatively to your need, then share your need with someone you trust. If they have the same reaction, then I’d suggest that you come up with a different need. As Hillary Clinton once said, “It takes a village…” (sorry for the Hillary reference).

3. Do not blame, criticize, or shame when you share your feelings and needs
Doesn’t this one just make sense to you? Has anyone in your life ever truly responded well to being criticized or blamed? If you live on this planet, your answer is a resounding no! So keep the judgmental attitude at bay when you are wanting to be heard and validated. There is no room in conversation for blaming, criticizing, or shaming. It just does not work.

4. Only use “I” statements one sentence at a time
This last step is incredibly important. Never, ever, ever use the word “you” when trying to be understood and validated! This will help eliminate defensiveness and it will force you to really think about how you word your feelings and needs. Take a look at a poor way to word your feelings or needs, “You always make me feel rejected.” Notice how this kind of statement will create defensiveness, and I’d guess that some of you reading this post felt defensive. Say it out loud and see how it sounds, not very good – huh. Now try this same statement just worded differently, “The other night when I was left alone, I felt rejected.” This has a completely different tone and attitude.

The last part of #4 is to only use one sentence at a time. You are not allowed to go in to great detail when you are trying to be understood. Just keep it simple and use once sentence at a time to describe a feeling or a need. What is so cool about this is that you are only going to have 2 or 3 feelings and needs per conflict. So you can get all you need to be understood and validated in only a few short sentences! This dramatically shortens the length of your conflict, which is a good thing!

There you go. You now know what it takes to share your feelings and needs in a way that can be heard and validated. Isn’t this what you really want when your feelings get hurt? Try these out the next time you want to share something with your spouse and let me know how it goes.

You’ve learned in parts 1 and 2 of my conflict resolution series why it is important to have a structure on communicating when your buttons get pushed.  You’ve learned how to take a time-out when you initially get upset and how this simple act can keep your relationship healthy and fun.  Now we are going to learn how to be a really good listener.  This is the employee part of our communication system and is probably the most important role when it comes to effective communication when feelings get hurt (or your buttons get pushed).

Listening well is not a natural gift and actually has very little to do with your ear drum. Being a great listener, and thus a great employee, is more about seeking understanding and validating the customer’s feelings and needs (don’t worry, I’ll go over in details on the next post on how to be a great customer). Listening involves your ears, your posture, your head, and your heart. If all these elements are not working together, then you are not going to be a good listener and LUV Talk will be useless.

Being a great listener is critical, when it comes to resolving conflict well, because it allows you to actually understand what the conflict is about. When you learn to be a great listener you are setting up your marriage to succeed.  Listening is at the core of loving your spouse well.  When your spouse feels listened to, the doorway to intimacy will fly open!  Everyone loves to be heard and validated.  When your souse feels heard and validated, no matter what has happened in the past, he/she will melt at your ability to listen.  I’ve watched couples in my Marriage Restoration Intensive program embrace for the first time in years after they’ve validated and listened to each other.

So here are my five ways to becoming a great listener (Get these down and watch what happens in your marriage!):

1. Listen
2. Understand
3. Ask clarifying questions
4. Validate
5. Repeat back the order

1. Listen

How do you listen?  Listening involves not just your ears but your body language as well.  You want your entire focus to be toward your spouse when you are trying to listen as an employee.  Turn off the television, radio, or shut down your computer.  Turn your head and your body toward your spouse and make sure your eyes are focused on your spouse and not looking around.  Nothing is more discouraging than a spouse who can’t seem to keep his (or her) eyes on the prize (which is your spouse by the way).

2. Understand

How do you seek understanding? Simply ask an open ended question if you feel confused by your spouse’s feelings or needs.  No big deal.  Do not panic.  Just calmly and nicely ask your spouse to explain further so you can fully understand.  It might sound something like this, “Honey, I want to understand how this bothered you, but for some reason I am not getting it.  Can you help me understand what exactly happened that caused these feelings?”

3. Ask clarifying questions

Clarifying questions are absolute gold when it comes to validating your spouse! A clarifying questions delves deeper in to the feelings and needs of your spouse.  A clarifying question would sound like the following, “Okay, I think I hear you saying that you would like to spend more time with me on a regular basis.  Is that correct? (pause for answer) Now, can you help me understand what spending more time together would look like to you?”  Wow! If you want your spouse to really feel listened to and loved, then ask clarifying questions!  You ask these kinds of questions when your spouse shares a feeling or need that is too general.  Things like “I need to feel more loved” or “I want to go out more”.  If your spouse says something that is not specific, then ask for more specifics.  Just watch what happens!  You will see an attitude change right before your eyes.

4. Validate

I’ve posted a few things on validation here, here, and here. The easiest way to validate someone is by following these five rules for effective listening. Validation says you are right. Your feelings and needs are correct and okay in my eyes. There is no condemnation, criticizing, or judging in validation. Feelings and needs simple are…there is no right or wrong feeling and need.

5. Repeat back the order

This might be the easiest of all the five ways to becoming a great listener! All you have to do with this is repeat back what your spouse is saying. It is parrot talk at its best. When your spouse says, “I felt rejected when I was left alone at the party.” All you do is repeat back by saying, “It sounds like you felt rejected when I left you alone at the party all night.” You don’t have to use the exact same words, but they’d better be close enough to ensure order accuracy.

If you take these five things and apply them to your communication (with anyone), you will experience deeper and more connected relationships. Everyone wants to be listened to, so become a great listener!

If you want to check out the entire series on conflict resolution, just click.

In Part 1 of this 5 part series on conflict resolution you learned how Chic-fil-a can help you resolve your toughest conflicts. Do not forget this lesson because it will guide your interaction with each other as we continue to learn how to effectively resolve conflict.

Part 2 is all about walking away or taking a time-out when your buttons get pushed. What are your buttons? Just click on the word buttons to download a PDF of the most common buttons pushed in an argument. Our research has shown that most women report feeling disconnected or rejected as their most common button pushed in an argument. Men reported their biggest buttons as feeling controlled or like a failure when in an argument. Buttons are important to understand because they are the foundation of why you get upset.

We do not get upset because the trash wasn’t taken out. We get upset because when the trash was not taken out our button of being ignored or invalidated got pushed. The first rule in healthy conflict resolution is to not talk or engage when your buttons first get pushed. Can you tell when your buttons get pushed and you are feeling negative or threatened? If so, then use those negative feelings (i.e. hurt, discouraged, controlled, failure, rejected, ignored, etc.) as a reminder to call a time-out.

Drs. Howard Markman and Scott Stanley discovered, in their groundbreaking 25-year longitudinal study, that couples really only divorce for 4 reasons:

1. Someone escalates when conflict occurs
2. Someone avoids when conflict occurs
3. Someone belittles or dishonors when conflict occurs
4. Someone develops negative beliefs as a result of conflict

(You can get a far more in-depth teaching on these things with our audio series “Embrace – seven powerful discoveries to strengthen any marriage”)

Always remember that conflict is not the problem in unhealthy marriages, those four reasons mentioned above are the problem. How you respond to your buttons getting pushed is the problem. If you respond with any of those four things, then you are headed for divorce. If you respond with a time-out, then you are at least giving your marriage a chance to be happy and satisfied.

Amy and I learned this lesson all too well on our honeymoon. I am the son of a world famous marriage and family expert (Dr. Gary Smalley) who has literally sold millions of books and videos on how to get along. So if anyone should have been ready for a healthy and vibrant marriage, it should have been me. At least that was what everyone was telling me, and I totally bought in to the idea. I bought in to the idea so well that Amy and I did not get premarital education before our wedding! We were young and cocky and our lack of education nearly cost us our marriage and it destroyed our honeymoon.

Embrace goes in to our story in a really crazy way, but I will at least mention here in the post that we ended our honeymoon early because of too much conflict. My feelings got hurt. Amy’s feelings got hurt. We did not know what to do about our constant fighting.

I need to pause here for a moment, because truthfully, Amy did try to tell me we should wait to discuss our conflict until we got home from the honeymoon, but I would not listen. I didn’t know any better. I wanted so desperately to resolve my hurt feelings, I was willing to destroy our honeymoon. You can not resolve hurt feelings (or buttons getting pushed) when on vacation or when you first get upset. We all need a time-out in order to cool down and to be able and think rationally about the situation.

The first major rule of a time-out is to call one when you are upset. Simply say, “I’m upset and I need a break before I can talk about this. Can we talk in an hour?” Now I know what you are thinking, “Isn’t a time-out just a way to avoid?” No. Avoidance is when you simply walk away from the discussion never to talk about it again. A time-out is different because you have to set a time-in. It is not a time-out unless you have a time-in. So before you walk away from each other, you’d better know the exact time you are going to walk back to each other.

Amy came up with a great little system that explains exactly what should happen during your time-out:

1. The first thing you do is let your spouse know that you need a time-out.
   (You might say something like, “I need a break.” “I’m about to say something I don’t mean.” “I don’t feel like this is going to a good place.”)
2. Now you negotiate a time to come back together and LUV Talk.
   (“I think I can talk in about 2 hours, is this okay with you?” “Can we talk about this in an hour?”)
3. The point is to negotiate a time that is agreeable to both of you.
4. Take the break and leave each other alone.
   (During the break, make sure you are thinking about y our part in the conflict. This is not a time to become more upset about your spouse. Try and think about how you could have handled the situation differently. For example things like your approach, tone of voice, nonverbals, defensiveness, or blaming.)
5. Before you come back together, ask yourself if you are ready to hear your spouse’s side of the conflict. If you are not, then reschedule another meeting time.
6. If you are ready to listen, then you can officially begin LUV Talk.
   (You will know you are ready when you are willing to listen and validate your spouse.)

This is how you take an effective time-out.  There is only one more thing I want to tell you before I’m done with part 2.  Never, ever, ever, ever, never, ever get in to conflict during fun time.  Date nights, vacations, family gatherings, school functions, etc. should all be sacred time and free from conflict.  I know you will do things from time to time during fun activities that will bother each other – call a time-out.  Do not try and resolve conflict during fun time.  Just call a time-out and say to each other, “I’m hurt right now, but we are out on a date, so let’s talk about this when we get home.”

Don’t give me any excuses about this final point.  We are not victims of our emotions.  We can tell ourselves to have fun even when things do not go our way.  The reason this last point is so important is because of the research of Dr. John Gottman.  He found a 5 to 1 positive to negative experience ratio with couples who are happily married.  If you protect fun time, then you can go for this 5 to 1 positive experience to every negative experience with each other.  If you reach this ratio, you will be happily married – which last I checked – was the goal of getting married in the first place.

If you want to check out the entire series on conflict resolution, just click.

You want to know how to resolve conflict with your mate, so I am going to teach you in a five part series on conflict resolution! But I wanted to start with an introduction post, to make sure you have a healthy understanding of conflict resolution and why conflict occurs in marriage. I’ve been helping couples for almost 15 years, and if I’ve learned anything in all this time, it’s that couples fight. They fight a lot.

There is nothing abnormal or unhealthy about getting in to conflict with your spouse. Conflict is the natural progression of an intimate relationship. Conflict is actually very healthy and an important part of a balanced marriage (or breakfast). Conflict is natural. Conflict is inevitable. Conflict adds depth to your relationship because you are sharing differences of opinions and needs. When you get in to conflict, you are learning about each other and presenting an opportunity to better love each other.

The problem with conflict is that most couples don’t have a clue on how to resolve conflict. They just fight and never make up or draw closer together.

This five part series on how to resolve conflict with your spouse is going to shed some light on how to find a win/win solution in every argument. You don’t have to be miserable and avoid topics because they are “too sensitive”. My five part series will give you the structure and the system to find out why you are in conflict and to gain understanding about each other on a level you may not be used to – a close and connected level.

You will learn how to utilize conflict to help your marriage rather than being victims of conflict tearing your marriage apart. The five part series on resolving conflict will include:

1. Conflict Resolution part 1: Why the drive-through at Chic-fil-A will help you find peace
2. Part 2: The awesome power of a time-out
3. Part 3: Learn how to be a great employee for your spouse
4. Part 4: Learn how to be a great customer for your spouse
5. Part 5: Finding win/win solutions is as easy as 1-2-3

Get ready to resolve some of those conflicts you’ve kept on the shelf because you couldn’t seem to ever find a solution. Marriage can be your most precious and connected relationship here on earth, don’t allow conflict to keep you from true happiness with each other. Use conflict as a means to gain better insight of each other’s needs and as an opportunity to grow closer together.

If you want to check out the entire series on conflict resolution, just click.